If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting to
—From “If” by Rudyard Kipling
People are almost always the key to a more rewarding and successful life. Unfortunately (or if you master a wiser view, thank God) people are different and frequently disagree.
When we find ourselves in one of these disagreements, we are presented with the golden seeds of opportunity in what at first glance looks like the weeds of misfortune. The key is to resist the compulsion to always try to win. There is a time to win and a time to lose. At least it may seem that you lose. But, as pointed out in Chapter 9, sometimes you can actually win by losing.
By acknowledging the logic of someone’s differing point of view, and allowing their argument to carry the day, you present them with a special gift. We all need to feel “right” some of the time, and each person’s perspective usually has value if you really look for it. That means there is a good chance that they are indeed right, even if you happen to be right too.
I have found this to be an invaluable perspective in my writing with co-authors. Most of my books and articles were completed with co-authors—sometimes our perspectives are surprisingly similar and we disagree about very little. More often, we have very different views and sometimes they come into direct conflict.
At first, I struggled with these disagreements, which often led to tension and defensiveness. Over time, though, I have learned that if there is no disagreement, we as co-authors are likely redundant and may not all be needed on the project. I have learned to curb my natural tendency to argue for my point of view and to spend more time trying to listen and understand. Even when I am still convinced I’m more “right” then they, if the issue seems more important to my colleagues and their perspectives seem acceptable (although perhaps to me not optimal) I will go with their viewpoints. Subsequently, the commitment and quality of the work they bring to the project seems to be genuinely enhanced and the author team as a whole is better off.
The idea is not to always “wimp out” and become unassertive. Rather it’s to choose your victories and your gracious seeming defeats wisely. Remain assertive for the really important things, but learn how to see the difference between trivial ego victories and championing meaningful causes.
You will build better relationships and earn respect by being respectful. Sometimes losing a disagreement in the short term is a building block to longer term success with people.
When you have a disagreement with others, there is a good chance that they are right, even if you happen to be right too.
🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌻🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌻🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌻🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌻
🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌛Good Morning and have a nice day.
